rules for the ganja

Between pot smokers there have always been some unspoken rules, folkways if you will. These rules are understood in every situation where pot is being used. It has come to my attention in the resent days that many of the newer pot smokers haven’t learned this proper etiquette. I don’t know if it’s because they don’t care and are selfish (I don’t know how anyone can smoke pot and be selfish but whatever) or if it’s because they just haven’t been keen enough to notice that these rules exist. So I have developed a small list of rules that every pot smoker should know to ensure that no one gets shunned or ridiculed just because they haven’t learned proper etiquette.

• When entering a situation where pot is involved don’t just automatically assume that you can smoke it. If you get yourself worked up over whether or not you can smoke you may make some stupid decisions or say some things that maybe interpreted the wrong way.
• Sometimes when people get really high they hang on to the bowl for a while because they forgot that they have it. This is completely ok every once in a while, don't let it become a habit. It is not ok to just hold out your hand and demand the bowl. You must ask nicely for it.
  
• This goes along with the first one. If you enter a situation where there has been pot smoking and a packed bowl is sitting down somewhere DO NOT! Whatever you do pick up the bowl and smoke it without at least saying “do you mind if I hit this dude?” Would you just come up to someone and take a bite of their puddin’ or just take one of their e pills just cause they have enough to share?? NO and pot is no different! It doesn’t matter how close of a friend you are with this person, it is not your pot, it is theirs and they might not want to share.
• If you enter a situation where pot is involved and the person who owns the pot doesn’t share with you, don’t get an attitude. Remember that though sharing is a great thing to do for others, It is their pot and they don’t have to share if they really don’t, want to or if they are running low. Whatever the reasoning is, they have the right to not share.
• If you are at a party and you have pot that you are going to smoke, don’t get angry when someone asks you if they can have some. People are going to ask you if they can have some. So if you don’t like sharing and/or have a hard time telling people “no,” then do yourself a favor and go somewhere private to smoke. You have the right and most decent people will under stand.
• If someone tells you that you can not share their pot with them do not ask them “why?” That is just rude. They have their reasons and as dumb as they may be they told you “no” and that’s the end of it.
• If you are at a person’s house and you all have smoked pot together do not go through their kitchen in search of food. Would you want them going through you freezer and taking your last Popsicle?
• If you are the owner house in which everyone is smoking at have some food that people can munch on. It doesn’t have to be a lot, it can just be candy or gun. At the very least make sure your house is within a block of a place where one can get munchies. E.g. 711, a gas station or grocery store. Note: this doesn’t count for a party of 15 or more.
• If you bring pot to share with people, the person who owns the bowl is the one who gets to pack it, unless they ask you if you want to pack it your self.
• This may seem self explanatory but, if you bring pot to share assume that there is not going to be any left when you leave. So, don’t bring more pot then you are willing to lose. Note: don’t consider it a loss, think of it as an investment. The people that you shared your pot with will most likely share with you in the future.
• Don’t be completely greedy. Learn how to share at least every once in a while. You don’t want to get a reputation in the pot community as “the one who does not share.”
• Just because someone smokes pot in their house regularly, it does not mean that when you come over you can just light up anywhere you want. For some reason they might not want anyone smoking in their house that day. For all you know they may be having a friend over that is not so cool with smoking. So do yourself a favor and ask first.
• Another rule that may seem like common sense but alas I have seen people fail to comply with this everyday folkway. Now when you are at a party where there is a community bowl going around make sure that you do not leave any traces of your saliva on the bowl! I cannot stress this enough. Either wipe your lips before using the bowl or wipe off the mouth piece before you pass it. This is not the most sanitary thing to be doing and people don’t need to be reminded of that.
• This next rule is something that many people just forget about. If a friend of yours goes out of their way to hook you up with pot it is your duty to offer to smoke them up when the deliver the goods. I’m not taking about offering to smoke up your dealer. I’m talking about when a casual friend picks up some for up out of the kindness of their heart. It would be in your best interest to offer a bowl them at the time of the deal, otherwise they might decide to screw you over or even worse not help you out at all anymore.
• Try to keep the bowl going around the circle in the same order. Let’s say that the bowl was going clockwise and the person to my left gets out of the circle then I would pass the bowl to whoever the person to their left was.
• Don’t complain about the quality of the pot at a party. Some people can’t find decent sources or cannot afford dank nuggets. They are sharing at that is the least they can do.
• Don’t be one of those people who just go around and smoke other people’s pot. You need to at provide every once in a while.

The following rules are not necessarily smoking etiquette but I thought I should throw them in because I have had a problem with them or people I know have had a problem with them.

• Just because the owner of the house is ok with pot being used does not mean that you can just break out with any drug that you want. Don’t cut start cutting lines of crystal on their table without asking first. Some people take this very seriously and you don’t want your fucked up ass to end up calling a cab home.
• Try as hard as you can to not make a mess at the party. If you do make a mess e.g. spill bong water or puke, clean it up yourself.
• Don’t get angry at people who make messes. It really just goes with the territory of having people over at your house. Now if they are making messes on purpose you have every right to kick them out.
• Do not do deals in someone’s house with out asking. Many people do not want that kind of shadiness in their house. Futhermore, it is not appropriate to come over to a person’s house with even the intent of selling with out asking. It is extremely rude to assume that people are ok with distribution in their house.
• It is not ok to invite people over to party without asking first, unless this is a public party (a party at a house is never a public party). Especially, people that are shady or that the hosts are not familiar with. It is also not ok to give them directions and then when they get to the party ask if they can come over. This puts the host of the party on the spot and it is one of the rudest things you can do.
• If a friend of yours throws a really great party at their house, do not tell people that weren’t there about what was going on there. Don’t tell them who was at the party as well. Parties where illegal drugs were being used do not need to be public knowledge, nor do the people who were participating.
• If a party is at a house it is not your right to be able to wander in to any room that you want to. Kitchens, living rooms and bathrooms and usually where people are allowed, though some parties may just hold the party in section of the house, such as the basement. Bedrooms are generally a no no. This is not a black and white rule but make sure you ask before you just waltz right in to any place you want to.
• Some dealers may want to be your friend as well as your supplier. Others may just want nothing to do with you other then a simple transaction every once in a while. Your dealer does not have to be your friend and it would be in your best interest to be sensitive enough to pick that up. If you sense that they are a strictly business type of person, don’t peruse in the direction of friendship or you might find they have changed their number and forgotten to tell you.
• Something else that could make your dealer change his number on you is by giving it to other people. Before giving out your dealer’s number to other people make sure that he is ok with that. Some dealers are really paranoid and giving out their number without asking them first could really upset them.
• If you are out with a few friends and happen to run in to your dealer say hello to him and nothing more. Do not talk about making deals in front of people that your dealer doesn’t know and don’t tell them who he is either. It is not cool to put someone out there like that.
• Let’s say that you are at a party and find some drugs on the ground that are not the kind that you like to do. It is not a good idea to sell these drugs to a friend who does like to do them. To the other people it makes you really look cheap and shady. The people that you give them to will forever be grateful and will be more likely to do you favors in the future.

These are rules for the general population and exceptions can be made. Unless you and a friend have verbally agreed to a something different these rules pretty much stand.

coping with being overly focused

Today is Thursday. Otherwise know as St. Patrick’s Day. To me this is
nothing other then an overused childish holiday. I don't even know why
we celebrate it. Twelve years of public schooling and I can't even
tell you why I am wearing green today. Thank you PG county school
system. In my 20th year March 17th is nothing more to me then another
reason to go to a fever party. Irish fever to be exact. I am less
excited about this fever party then I was for any of the others.
Maybe, it’s because I am going in to this knowing that I am not going
to roll. The boyfriend has to work tomorrow and I don't want to be in
a different mindset then he will be in tonight. He wants to instead
drink and smoke, which sounds like a fine plan to me!

Today is also the day that I start taking my adderall to treat my
ADHD. Hip hip hooray for I am cured instantly. I can tell today that
I don't feel like my normal self. My usual scattered thoughts are far
more organized. I jump from idea to idea far less frequently. I
could just be letting the drug do to me what I was expecting it to do.
On the other hand it is disturbing to me how I feel. I will
definitely need to get used to this feeling. I'm somewhat numb to the
outside world. I can hardly notice anything but what I am thinking at
the current time. I'm hoping that this is the way a normal brain
works. All of the random thoughts that I would usually come up with
are lost within seconds. Their flames are blown out before I get a
chance to ponder them for any considerable amount of time. My normal
brain does not work like this. Perhaps this is the reason why I find
it hard to read a book or focus on a conversation for a good amount of
time. My brain feels the need to stop and think about everything
going on around me. It's comforting to be able to put most of my
energy on to one thing.

alice and india

Last night my boyfriend pointed out to me that my best friend and I are on our second stage of friendship. Meaning that we are leaving the giddy little girl stage and entering the I'm noticing all of your faults and they start to annoy me stage. To give some background information. She works down the street from my house in a shop in which my boyfriend and I are regular customers. I go in everyday now that she works there. Before I went in like once a week while my man went in quite a bit more then that. Anyhoo she and my man got to know each other over the days before I was even aware of her existence. On the day that we finally met, him and her were running errands during the day and then came to pick me up. That evening just happened to be New Years Eve and we had invited our friend Jack from VA to enjoy the night’s festivities with us. India was then invited to join and our little party then became four. That night we all planned to roll. The four of us took our pills at 1130 and at 1145 headed out of the house to view the wonderful fireworks at the inner harbor in Baltimore. I didn't notice the effects of my drugs till we got back to the house at 1230 but everyone else seemed to be feeling it at about midnight. Including my new friend. Though at the time she couldn't really tell she was at the time but I knew otherwise. That night we found out more about each other then most people find out in a month. The next day I saw her in the shop and a smile never left her face. I heard the word "hollar" so many times that morning.

SO since that day we have spent many hours smoking and talking. We have been getting to know each other more and more each day. When Matt goes out of town I spend every spare minute with her. I am closer to her then I can ever remember being with another girl since the incident with my lesbian bipolar schizophrenic. Oh the horror! ...More on that time of my life later. So Indy and I have gotten particularly close partially because I'm lacking in the girlfriend department and partially because she is to. I don't know much about her childhood or what life was like for her in high school. I do however know what her dreams are. I know what her current likes and dislikes are. I know who her hero is and so on. I would like to know as much as I could but I don't know quite how to get her to talk to me in the way that I would like her to. I want to know the deep down thoughts. The thoughts that she has on the way the world should be. I want to know what her meaning of life is. Again I just don’t know how to ask. I feel like even with me she puts up some sort of facade and I want to tell her, with me that's not necessary. I won't judge her in the way that she thinks the rest of the world will. I think that maybe she gets the idea that I will judge her because of the way I act when she puts up that oh so familiar facade. The actress in her comes out and I don’t know if it seems like an act to anyone else but I see right through it. When we are alone I see so many more sides of her. (though I can tell there is still something she it hiding) When we are with others especially when we are in public she is not the same person. I think that she thinks people will like her act better then the real her. On the contrary, the world is more accepting then it seems. I'm not judging her. I'm just stating what I see. I could be wrong though. I know that I do the same things and I notice my public facade and I attempt to stop it before it before it becomes second nature. Perhaps I am too harsh on the world around me. I should just stop viewing things with critical eyes and let them just be the way they are. Maybe its people like me, the people who think they can fix the problems of the world that are causing all of them.

happy monday

So right now I should be working on a project that I have had for about two weeks to work on but ADHD me has procrastinated once again and I will be working on this right down to the very few minutes before class. I have at least looked at it though I don't have a very good idea of what I am supposed to be doing. For now I feel like bloging.

So today is Monday and a sad day it is. Why you ask? Because it is the beginning of a very busy week. It's not just any old week. This week I finally get to visit the doctor’s office to get on meds for my ADHD that I have been struggling with for my entire life. (Diagnosed at 5) yippee!!! I'm hoping to get back on Dexedrine. I was on that for many years and have decided that it was the only thing that really worked for me. Adderall is an ok substitute because I’ve taken my friends before and it has seemed to make some sort of improvement. Also this week I get to go to IRISH FEVER!! Thursday night at the paradox in Baltimore. Right down the street from me.. Walking distance to be exact. What is fever? Well it is a rave that existed throughout the 90s that kept the east coast rave scene alive. It ended in 99 but has since then been brought back. Though it is not every other week it still rocks my fucking world when it is here. I haven't decided whether or not I’m going to roll or not. My brain hasn't felt 100% lately probably because I smoke too much. I'm actually looking forward to the time when m and I take a month off from all drugs including pot. My world may prove to be a lot easier.

Today when I got home from work there was a letter on the floor from one of my boyfriend’s lovers. She always makes them so colorful and childish. Like every letter she sends him, they seem more fun then I am. It haunts me. What is inside I wonder? I thought about opening it. I'm so curious at times that I forget that there are consequences to every action that I take. This time however I calmly place the letter on the table and walk away. After reading my blog I know that he will wonder whether or not I am being truthful. I bet he thinks to himself "Did she read the letter and write that she didn't?" "No honey, I didn't. I had self control this time. “I want to though. Lets be honest here I want to open it and read it. After that I'd tear it to shreds and throw it away because I hate these feelings I get! Though he reads my blogs and these are my thoughts, I don’t think he has the capability to understand me because I don't have enough words in my vocabulary to express myself to the fullest. I don't think that the words exist really. I hate her. I hate her like I have never hated someone before. Hate is the right word but I don’t hate her really. I don’t know her enough to hate her. I love that she makes my boyfriend happy but does she need to blow him to do that? There are limits in the world for a reason. How can she do this to me? He must tell her that I am ok with it. When in fact I am not. So is she told lies by my boyfriend? Or is she just mislead by the optimistic way he has of presenting things? If she really knew how much pain she caused me would she be selfish enough to do it anyway? These questions work their way through my head and when they pop up to the surface make me drown myself in tears. He loves her. He might have a stronger intellectual relationship with her then with me and now that he is her lover then where does that leave me? If I don’t resolve all of my issues with this I am going to leave him. I'll have no choice because my heart will be hurting so back that I won't be able to look at him anymore. Just one day not come back from work. It would be so easy to erase my number from his phone because I know he doesn't have it memorized and just leave. What a cowardly thing to do. You know what the real issue is? I lack the self confidence to tell him that I am unhappy that I don’t have anyone totally smitten over me too.

fuck!

So the NFL came out with the list of words that can not be put on the back of an NFL jersey. I found this quite funny. so here its...http://outsports.com/nfl/2005/0301nflshopnaughtywords.htm

If you don't feel like reading the entire list I'll leave you with the variations of my favorite word.
FUCK FUCK BAG FUCK BUDDY FUCK FACE FUCK FEST FUCK FREAK FUCK FRIEND FUCK HEAD FUCK HER FUCK IT FUCK KNOB FUCK ME FUCK ME HARD FUCK MONKEY FUCK OFF FUCK PIG FUCK THEM FUCK WHORE FUCK YOU FUCKA FUCKABLE FUCKBAG FUCKBUDDY FUCKED FUCKED UP FUCKEDUP FUCKER FUCKERS FUCKFACE FUCKFEST FUCKFREAK FUCKFRIEND FUCKHEAD FUCKHER FUCKIN FUCKIN A FUCKIN NUTS FUCKIN RIGHT FUCKINA FUCKING FUCKING A FUCKING BITCH FUCKING NUTS FUCKINGBITCH FUCKINNUTS FUCKINRIGHT FUCKIT FUCKKNOB FUCKME FUCKMEHARD FUCKMONKEY FUCKOFF FUCKPIG FUCKWHORE FUCKYOU FUUCK GAY MUTHA FUCKIN QUEER GAYMUTHAFUCKINWHORE GOD DAMED MUTHA FUCKA GODDAMNMUTHAFUCKER HEAD FUCK HEADFUCK MOTHER FUCKER MOTHERFUCKER MOTHER FUCK MOTHERFUCK MUTHA FUCKER NO FUCKING WAY NOFUCKINGWAY NUT FUCKER NUTFUCKER PUSSY FUCKER PUSSYFUCKER RENT A FUCK RENTAFUCK SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCKER SHITFUCK SHITFUCKER SHORT FUCK SHORTFUCK SKANK FUCK SKANKFUCK SKANKFUCK STUPID FUCK STUPID FUCKER STUPIDFUCK STUPIDFUCKER TIT FUCK TIT FUCKER TIT FUCKIN TITFUCK TITFUCKER TITFUCKIN UNFUCKABLE WHORE FUCKER WHOREFUCKER ASS FUCK ASS FUCKER ASSFUCK ASSFUCKER BAD FUCK BADFUCK BUMBLE FUCK BUMBLEFUCK BUMFUCK BUTT FUCK BUTT FUCKER BUTT FUCKERS BUTTFUCK BUTTFUCKER BUTTFUCKERS BUTT-FUCK BUTTFUCKER BUTT-FUCKER BUTTFUCKERS BUTT-FUCKERS CUNT FUCK CUNT FUCKER CUNTFUCK CUNTFUCKER DUMB BITCH DUMB FUCK DUMBFUCK F.U.C.K. FACE FUCKER FACEFUCKER FANNY FUCKER FANNYFUCKER FAST FUCK FASTFUCK FAT FUCK FAT FUCKER FATFUCK FATFUCKER FINGER FUCK FINGER FUCKER FINGERFUCK FINGERFUCKER FIST FUCK FIST FUCKER FISTFUCK FISTFUCKER FOOT FUCK FOOT FUCKER FOOTFUCK FOOTFUCKER FREAK FUCK FREAKFUCK FREAKY FUCKER FREAKYFUCKER FREE FUCK FREEFUCK

I figured out a few words they were missing.. Bukkake, man juice, tea bag, man milk, raver and ecstacy.

till next time- - sarah*

And so it is...

just like you said it would be. That song forever run through my head many times a day. Flashing through my mind the movie trailor that is goes along with. Closer. It haunts me. The characters in the movie. I feel like them sometimes. Every single one of them. Wanting something other then what you have... a sort of the grass is always greener on the other side kinda thing. I tell myself that I am happy but part of me thinks that I am not. And if I really am happy then am I as happy as I should be..... or could be for that matter? Are these normal thoughts or are they just depression?

I agreed when i started dating my boyfriend that we would have a non-monogomus relationship. Or rather he told me that it was what he wanted and I went along with it. My little naive self getting in to things that are way above my level of maturity. Now I feel as if I'm stuck in it. Stuck is the wrong adjective, yet I can't really come up with a better one. I love him more then a person should ever love another. So much that it hurts. Really. But this whole non-monogamy has really been taking a dramatic toll on my emotions. I can't stand the thought of him being with someone else. After he tells me about it (which I don't really want to know but do at the same time...like a car accident) I can't stop picturing it in my head. For me I will dwell on this for months at a time. I can't help but think about it and it drives me crazy. Everytime I fuck him I feel like I am such and dirty person. Why would I let someone do this to me you ask? Because I would be nothing with out him. I mean, I could function but I would feel empty. Lost. Scared. It's doubtful that I would ever get over it. I tell people that if some thing were to ever happen between use I would just dissapear. Leave. I would be swallowed up by my own emotions. The thing is that no one believes me. I mean, why should they? They're probably right you know. I don't think that I would ever have the balls to just pick up and leave. The truth is that I would be so lost I would want to lose myself to everyone else.

But he does love me. I can tell just by looking at him. He loves me with every inch of his soul. The people around us can tell. Fuck, my parents can tell even though they re not to font of my lifestyle choice let alone my boyfriend. My parents, I think are still dwelling on the fact that I was their last child at home (their baby) and I left at age 19 to be with him. Could be worse mom and dad, I could have kid of my own by now. Thank god I have some sense. Anyway back to my man... he does love me. We have the most wonderful times together. Whether it's going to Vermont or going backpacking in the desert. Maybe it's just those times when we just sit around, smoke and act like fucking retards. Whatever we are doing when we are together it's always a great time. I Don't want to leave him because I love him so much. And I its some-what my fault for thinking That I could change him in to a monogamy guy. I don't want to limit him, I just want him to only want me. till next time..sarah*