on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness

Let’s face it: life is hard. It might not be difficult all of the time but, a large percentage of our time we spend doing things that we don't want to do. I don't want to go to work today. I don't want to fold the clothes that have been sitting in the dryer since last night. I don't want to do hardly any of the obligations that I have bestowed upon myself. I would really rather stay at home, smoke pot and masturbate. Somewhere in the middle of this horribly busy day, I will eat multiple times, and probably watch a movie. A movie that I have watched before is preferable so that I may fall asleep half way through if I am so inclined. At six o'clock my boyfriend would come walking in the door we eat, we smoke, hang out with some friends, possibly fuck, crawl in to bed and this wonderful day would be over shockingly fast. Pay no mind because in this brief fantasy this wasted day would just be followed by an identical one. The thing that drives me crazy though is that I find myself at lot happier if I do get things done. I mean everyone does really. I mean don't they?? Doesn't everyone feel a sense of relief when they come to the completion of a task? I mean think about the last paper that you worked ass off on. Think of that moment when you finally realized that you were done. Ahhh... it is a great feeling. It’s the same kind of feeling that people get when they know that they are worth something. Everyone likes knowing that they are of some value. I just need the motivation. As for this anxiety about going to work everyday; it’s not my lack of motivation... I was motivated when I could do my work and not get worn out. When people stopped acknowledging my existence and stopped commenting on the hard work I put in, that’s when I lose my will to carry on. Now that its summer, it is tourist season in Baltimore. The days are busier than they used to be. I now have to work harder for my money and on top of all of this... I get appreciated even less. Once again life shows me just how good it can be.

I try to tell myself every morning when I wake up that as long as I keep making it through each individual day, eventually it will pay out. I will have a job that I get up every morning excited to go to, a job where I will be sad at the end of the day when it is time to go home. In order to get that job I really feel like I have to make it through college first. That seems so far away at times. Those times where I think that I might actually give up. For some reason there is some kind of force in me that keeps pushing me harder. I force myself to think about how far I have come. I make myself think about how I'm almost a full adult with like a career and shit. I remember being in high school and thinking that things would never get better. I always thought that I would give up and not go to college. I'm almost there.

There is some hope left in me after all.

Until the time when I can walk across the stage and put the words "college graduate" on a resume I have to find things to keep me happy in the mean time. One of the things that I use to keep a smile on my face is being successful at everything I try. I make sure that I am not just "ok" at something. I want to stand out as one of the best of the best. I want to be the person with 37 piece of flare and a great smile. Take work for example; every job that I have had I've worked my hardest at every shift. I am on time everyday to work and when I am going to be late (even five minutes) I call to let them know. I do every task that is assigned to my position, even the ones that everyone (myself included) hate to do. I focus special attention to the things my manager points out to me. I make sure that to make friends with everyone I work with. I do this for more then for multiple reasons, one of these reasons being, that it’s just an easier environment to be in when everyone gets along. Another reason is to ensure I can find someone to cover one of my shifts just incase I need it. It is way easier to get someone that likes you to do you a favor than someone who hates you. Plus people who are your friends will more likely cover your ass if you should need it. Lastly I make friends with the people I work with because it just makes you look better to your manager if you are not constantly fighting with other employees. Details in my opinion are the key to performing the best at work. Making sure that my area and I are clean is something that most people over look but it can make a huge difference. I can't even understand why someone would come to work in dirty clothes and wiping down your area takes like five seconds!
For some reason performing well at work just something that comes natural to me. People always act like I am doing such a good job but I understand it to be that I’m just doing what I am supposed to do. I guess being a good employee is something that I feel is easy but most people find it to be hard to do. They are the same people who are always saying that the managers get on their nerves, when in my mind their job is to make sure you to your job. Maybe that is why I stand out. I hope that I can figure the real world out like I figured work out.

a long lost blog

SO it has been almost two monthes since my last blog. I feel so lazy. I am lazy. I started a blog a while ago and worked on it on several occations. Do you want to read it? Too bad! ::

"So it's come that time again when i have to say goodbye to my classes this semester which i have grown to love. I can't believe that it went by so fast. It really seems like i didn't learn enough and that i didn't do enough assignments yet. How can this be?? I worked my ass off but i don't think that i did enough to deserve my hopefully straight A's. what i mean to say is that i did all of the work that was assigned to me but it seemed like less then my normal amount. I think maybe i didn't notice how much work i did because i was having so much fun doing it. I had more fun in school this semester then i had my senoir year of high school. I had shit loads of fun that year because i had a best friend to fuck around with and because i took all electives. I fucking rock! The sad thing about it is that I only took all electives because i had no way of getting home early without having a driver's lisense. I make up the excuse that i took them to have fun and because i could but the real truth is that i had to. Don't get me wrong, i did enjoy them. If i had my choice i would've gone home and wasted many hours watiching tv and masterbating. Which is pretty much what i did ..er...do on days off. Let me move my spastic brain back on to the track of my most recent semester and forget that i was talking about the abundance of sexuality in my teenage years.... so another semester passes and i get to move away from my childhood a little bit more. I grow farther and farther away from many of my friends who just cant seem to get themselves in to going to college. Oh how i have attempted to convince them that it is by far the easiest path to succes. soon i will reach my graduation day and enter the real world that i keep hearing all these shitty things about."

I had such a good thing going there but failed to get myself motivated enough to complete it. In my humble opinion i thinks its because i was not taking my adderall on a regular basis.
SO What has been going on with Sarah Latey? Here are a few highlights from the past two monthes.

-Took my parents to breakfast and had a great time doing so.
-Confirmed that guniea pigs were indeed opposite sexes when two suddenly became five.
-Went to a rave which was my first one last year about this time.
-Started working for my neighbor doing odd jobs for his book business.
-Confirmed that i do hate my job. Would rather choke on my own vomit then work there.
-Painted first floor of my house including cabinets. To those who doubted my designs....eat shit!
-I now make jewelry in my free time. This i think helps keep me sane.
-Have discovered the joys of Altoids sour chewing gum.
-Went to get a trim and had a dumbass lop off 6 inches of hair. Alas i am now a little boy.
-Roommate moves out roommate moves in.
-My BF is a mucus factory when he has a sinus infection.

well thats all i can think of right now and i have to go to work.
geez what a half assed blog.